Sex jokes
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One makes you believe in Heaven, the other makes you feel it.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One to trust and the other to thrust.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
Why won't an American atheist convert to the religion of Islam in the city of Dearborn, Michigan?
Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be able to join a mosque in the city of Dearborn, Michigan.
Why won't an atheist convert to the religion of Islam? Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be a Muslim according to the Arabic religion of Islam.
What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?
I pull out of the driveway.
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
Q. What's a dog's favourite type of sex? A. Ruff.
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.