Sex jokes
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Anal intercourse is for assholes.
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
Q. What's a dog's favourite type of sex? A. Ruff.
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:
Starters - role play and stripping.
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.
Dessert - Blowy.
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
Q. What's the Premier of Alberta's favorite sex toy? A. I don't know, but I wish it were me.
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
Roses are red, Lemons are sour; Lift your skirt up and give me an hour.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.