Sex jokes
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.
I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
My cousin said he wonders why people have sex with animals, and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
Ol’ McDonald had a farm e-I-e-I-oh.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
I got knob cheesed after your sexy mom was on top, dry humping me on the vanilla-coloured living room carpet.