Sex jokes
Rubbing everywhere but not the clit and asking, "Do you like that?"
(dude wtf)
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
I'm gay.
Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.
One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.
So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.
The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?
IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
I eat dick.
What does a girl get after having sex with Batman?
Defective rabies.
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.
After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”
The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”
Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”
Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?
A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.
My woman told me that she wants to have sex with me, and I said, "Let's go at it." She said, "Shut up and kiss me on all my pillows."
As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.
The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."
So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."
You like to draw? Because I like the MD, raw :)
If Donald Trump had sex with an orange, guess what his son would be?
An orange tree! :>
GF: Laying down.
BF: GROANING
GF: Are you good at aiming and shooting?
BF: Yeah, why?
GF: Shoot that did in there.
BF: Mmmhuugh
Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?
Because they have cancer.
I think my penis has facial recognition.
What do you call a whore with a runny nose?
...Full!