Sex jokes
Hey, I broke up with your girl.
-Me: What? Why?
Wait, what?
-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
2 weeks here.
What do dicks and popsicles have in common?
They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.
Why are sex toys something to stuff in your asshole and not a big racecar?
Las Vegas has a new 550-foot-tall Ferris wheel, hoping to gain tourists.
What’s already gaining “tourists”? Whores.
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.
I’m only curious how they closed his casket.
Who remembers when ‘tweeting’ meant “stabbing a hooker”?
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?
His dick tastes funny...
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
Sheshpal Choudhary, Bijnor, UP 6395832240
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
Now from the top, make it drop, that's a WAP, that's a WAP.
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.