Self jokes

Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.

I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.

Why did the orphan kill himself?

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

I wish my nails were emo so that they would cut themselves.

What do you call a horny emo who practices self-control?

An edgelord.

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

Little Johnny was living with his grandpa during the summer. Well, grandpa had a beer, and Johnny said, "Grandpa, let me get a sip of that." Grandpa said, "Well, lil Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And lil Johnny said, "Well no sir." And grandpa said, then no, you can't.

Later that day, papaw (grandpa) had a cigar, and Johnny said let me get a hit of that, and papaw asked, "Well, Johnny, does your d**k reach your a**?" And Johnny said no again. Then papaw was shooting his gun, and Johnny asked if he could shoot it, and grandpa asked Johnny if his d**k reached his a**, and Johnny said no.

Well, after supper, Johnny's grandma made Johnny some ice cream (the most amazing bowl of ice cream EVER), and grandpa said, "Johnny, let me get a bit of that ice cream," and Johnny asked papaw, "Well, papaw, does your d**k reach your a**?" And papaw said, "Well, Johnny, as a matter of a fact, it does," and Johnny said, "Good, now go f**k yourself because you ain't getting none of my ice cream!"

I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.

If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.

If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.

It isn't any of those if it's suicide.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

What is an Emo’s favourite music element?

Self harmony.

What do you call an emo a cappella group?

Self harmony.

Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"

I don't struggle with self-harm, I do it everyday.

When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.

If an orphan took a photo, what would it be called?

A self-me.

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

What do you call an orphan's family portrait?

A self-portrait.