New Self Jokes - Page 8 - Worst Jokes Ever

Why did Hitler kill himself?

His gas bill was too high.

What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).

Note to self.

When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".

Google "cream pie recipes".

What's great about an emo pizza?

It cuts itself. Yay!

What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?

Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!

Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.

Steven hawking did not die he deleted him self

My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.

Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

Alfred: Why?

Me: because I'm worthless... =)

Aren't I badly good?

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

I unironically shit myself. I am so sorry.

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

A guy once went hunting at a hunting ranch. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in the rancher’s living room. There they were having a grand ole time then the rancher’s wife walks in. The hunter says, “That’s a nice piece of ass you got yourself there.” The rancher replied with a harsh, raspy Southern chuckle from years of Marlboro Reds, “You’ve never been so right in your life. Honey, why don’t you show our guest your tits?” She agrees and shows the hunter her plump DD cup breasts.

The hunter says, “Nice.” Then the rancher said, “Show ‘em yer pecker now.” She agreed and whipped out a 13 incher. Dazed and confused, the hunter says, “What in Sam Hill is that?!” And the rancher replied, “Now... lemme tell you... there ain’t a thing like it.”