Self jokes

My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"

1. just feeling sad. 2. depression. 3. self harm. 4. suicide.

Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Isn't it sad that orphans are only allowed self raising flour? Orphan-👁👄👁

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

Why did Hitler kill himself?

His gas bill was too high.

What flour do orphans use when baking? Self-Raising (Rising).

I looked in the mirror.

Note to self.

When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".

Google "cream pie recipes".

What's great about an emo pizza?

It cuts itself. Yay!

What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?

Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!

Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.

Stephen Hawking did not die; he deleted himself.

My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.

Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

Alfred: Why?

Me: because I'm worthless... =)

Aren't I badly good?

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.