Self-esteem jokes
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
Your hairline!
If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
Your forehead is so big, it makes Kanye's ego look small.
Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.
Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"
Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.
You think my face is ugly? Yours is more.
I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.
Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.
My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
Josh: Tell me something funny.
Mark: My life.
You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!
Me: Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds.
Them: You're ugly.
Me: Sorry, I am not a mirror.
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?
Mirrors don't lie, and lucky for you, they don't laugh.
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.