Seen jokes

Your hairline is so far away that Jesus could've seen it when he was on the cross.

If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.

I don’t see why people say that emo kids don’t like to hangout. I seen them hanging all day.

Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.

Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"

The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"

Ryan: Mother, if you had 10 cookies, and I took 4 away from you, how much do you have?

Mother: I will still have ten cookies, because I will not give any to you.

Ryan: What if I forcefully take 4 cookies away from you?

Mother: I will have 10 cookies and a dead body.

Ryan and his mother had cookies that day. Ryan took all 10 cookies. He was never seen again. R.I.P Ryan.

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

Bro, this guy's hairline I saw the other day was nowhere to be seen.

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

GOOD MORNING USA!!!! I GOT A FEELING THAT IVE SEEN A FUCKIN NlGGER TODAY!!!

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.