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Why don't you see gay people in wheelchairs?

Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.

I see that you start work at 9am, but your hairline starts at 9:15am.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."

A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.

The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.

The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"

The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."

What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?

"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"

Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!

You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

IDK! WHY?

To go see yo mama!

The last words from a depressive person are: "I finally see a train!"

Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?

They're out of plane sight.

My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

I could never date a midget.

We would never see eye to eye.

Tell someone to spell "Icup."

Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"

When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:

Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?

A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.

Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?

A: See you on the flip side.

Whenever you see an orphan taking a selfie, photo bomb him and say, "Family photo!"

My bf: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

My bf: Ice cream.

Me: Ice cream who?

My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!