See jokes
When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.
The direction I'm looking.
What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.
Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:
Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."
Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"
Comedian: "I'm not tr-"
Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"
Comedian: "I-"
Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!
100% of blind people in Africa can't see. Together, we can stop this.
Me: Spell "I cup."
My Friend: I see you pee.
Me: BOII YOU BETTER GIVE MEH SOME PRIVACY IN MY BATH ROOM!!!!
My Friend: Oh hehe O-O
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
Kid: "Grandma, what's dark humour?"
Grandma: "See that man in the wheelchair over there?"
Kid: "But Grandma! I'm blind!"
Grandma: "Exactly."
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.
As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.
Then one stops and asks his companion:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
Why did the orphan go to the playground?
To see if it could find its parents.
Why does an orphan start with an "O"?
Because they only see their parents in their dream.
My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.
So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
As you can see here, Jessie is wearing a lot of concealer.
Jessie?
Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.
A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...
Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???
Child: Both.