See jokes

What dog can’t see a dog that’s blind?

In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.

I mean, I don't see why not.

Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?

He didn't have the guts to see it.

My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

I could never date a midget.

We would never see eye to eye.

Why can't we see or sense kamikazes' bombs?

They're out of plane sight.

The last words from a depressive person are: "I finally see a train!"

You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?

Getting the water bill.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."

There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.

You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.

Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.

It was an important knockout game for Al Nassr. I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play. It was my dream for a long time. I took a cab to the stadium, but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead.

As soon as I entered the house, I saw a ghost, but the very next moment I realized it's my idolo Ronaldo. Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me!

Gregg says to his friend, who is a girl, and says, "Hey, umm, do you, umm, want to do something?"

And the girl says, "Umm, sure, why not?"

Gregg says, "Well, then we have to go somewhere secretive."

The girl says, "Umm, well, ok."

Gregg says, "Great!" So Gregg brings Sally to a tree so no one can see them, and then Sally says, "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?"

Gregg says, "Well pull down your pants, and I'll show ya."

Sally says, "Ok, it sounds fun!" And then Gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground. Then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy, and he goes up and down, up and down, up and down, and then Sally starts to moan more and more, and then suddenly a teacher hears her moan, and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing, and then the teacher gets in on it, and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher, and then the teacher moans, and then the whole school makes their own sex groups, and the whole school has threesomes...

THE END

Christopher Columbus: *Sees native Americans* Can I see your land?

Native Americans: Sure, just be care..........

Christopher Columbus: Boonk gang whole lot of gang shit.

So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:

"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."

Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"

The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"