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War

  • You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

    He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

  • 1
  • Jew

  • How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

  • 4
  • Skeleton

  • What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?

    "You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"

    Mouse

  • When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

  • 0
  • 9/11

  • My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

    Saw

  • A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.

  • 1
  • Ice Cream

  • My bf: Knock knock.

    Me: Who's there?

    My bf: Ice cream.

    Me: Ice cream who?

    My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!

    Ex

  • When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.

    Penis

  • My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

  • 1