Say jokes

What did the retard say when the water too deep?

"Deep deep."

What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?

Wrong.

What did the squirrel say to the dog?

"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

"We better start getting some support around here, or people are gonna think we're nuts!"

What did the green grape say to the purple one?

"Calm down and take a breath."

My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?" Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

So I'm a cow, guess what my dad thinks of that? He says I'm a loooosmer.

So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

What did the salt say to the vinegar during the sweet and sour dynasty?

"STUPID VINIGGER!"

Say "toast" three times. Spell "toast" three times. What do you put in a toaster? The answer?

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

What did Harry Houdini say when he did his famous vanishing act at a sushi place?

"Now sashimi, now you don't!"

When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.

How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?

They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"

They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

What did the cow say every morning?

Good moorning!