Say jokes
What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?
She can't say no!
If I went out with a dwarf, when I pick them up, I'll say, "Wassup short?"
What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?
"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
"Are you having a crisis because people say 67?"
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"
when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)
-> in reality, :( (sob)
depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.
Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: I'll fall with you.
When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.
What did Stephen Hawking love that couldn't move?
Himself, ps particularly his whole body. I was gonna say his legs, but then I remembered he was fully paralysed and was like shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
What did the toilet paper say to the other toilet paper?
"Hey, check me out! I'm on a roll!" 😂😂🤭🤭
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.
One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."
The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."
What did the minute hand say to the hour hand?
Why are you so tall?
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
What sayd the man to the woman??
Go to the kitchen lol.