Say jokes

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.

Ever heard the saying white people can’t jump??

Well, I think that’s total bullshit. You should have seen us on 9/11!

What did the fat guy say when he fell off the ladder? "Catch me!"

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?"

Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?

You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"

How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?

What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?

"Who are you wearing?"

What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."

A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"

Hate me all you want, but I gotta say, this whole thing with Gwen and TJ is ridiculous.

You know Hitler loves you when he comes up to you on Valentine's Day and he says, "Will you be my Valenein?"

Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."

What did the right eye say to the left eye?

"Between you and me, something smells!"

A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for winter, so now I am dead!" Haha, it is funny because the squirrel gets dead.

So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.

One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"

If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"

What does "A" say to "ss"?

"We are the perfect couple. We make Ass."