Say jokes

So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.

A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.

The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:

"Num num num num num!"

If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.

What did the cat say when he got mad?

I'm hissed!

I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)

Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...

Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.

Throw a plate.

It’s broken, right?

Say “sorry” to it.

Did it fix back?

No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)

Dogs say woof.

Cows say moo.

Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"

Three guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet, and the psycho one says, "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have!"

The first guy says, "Ha! My girlfriend has six! I'm racked up!" The second guy said, "Eh, I am happy with two balls." The third guy said, "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"

A guy listening in enters and says, "Bro, you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?"

A pair of souls were floating up to heaven when they passed a pair of eagles.

"Ah, eagles," said the souls. The eagles were too polite to say anything.

So the horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

UwU

What did the horse say after it tripped?

Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

What does one piece of toilet paper say to the other?

"I'm wiped!"

Hi guys, I'm back, and YES, two jokes/blogs in one day. I KNOW. I just have nothing to do!!! So today I'm going to tell you how to get what you want from your parents!!! And there will be a joke at the end too. Enjoy!

So the prank that I have for you guys today is, make sure you have glue, dye, and a toothbrush that is not yours >:) So you are going to put the dye in the glue and then put the glue on the toothbrush and give it to your sibling and say, "Here. I got your toothbrush ready for you." Then, make sure they take it. Once they take it, run so that they cannot hit you once they taste it.

Thanks for reading this prank today guys!!! I hope it works out for you, and I can't wait to hear what happens with you guys in the comments below, so make sure to comment and tell me what happened when you pulled this prank!! Sorry, Prankster, if this is offensive to you since you do pranks too. I will not do them anymore if you don't want me to :) Thanks for reading guys, and here is that joke I told you about :)

Yo mama is so fat, when she got in the car, the wheels popped.

So I know this was not the best joke, and I can do better, but I will keep trying and see you guys next time! Bye!!! :)

Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

I say 123, yeah, the kids bullied me, but they really don't know that my dad has a gun, yeah.

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.

The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."

The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."

What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?

"Some ting wong."

When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣