Say jokes
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.
What did the traffic light say to the truck?
"Don't look, I'm about to change!"
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look pretty flushed.
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other one, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Hate me all you want, but I gotta say, this whole thing with Gwen and TJ is ridiculous.
A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."
I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.
I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.
What does a Jamaican guy say to an Asian?
Poke me, mon.
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
What did the fish say when he got to the dam?
"Dam water."
"Dam!"
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”
The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”
The third blonde says “so we go at night.”
What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"