Say jokes
What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?
"Bye son!"
Get it? Bye son, Bison!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"SUPPLIES!"
What did the blender say to the orange juice?
"What the fuck are you, you are so fucking stupid, shut the fuck up."
Hey.
Girl: Hey.
Damn, I forgot my spray bottle.
Girl: What?
It says "spray on flat surfaces."
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
What did Santa say when he saw a pretty girl? HO, HO, HO!
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
What did the hamster say to the penis? "Ha, you look just like me!"
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
Why did Beyoncé say, "to the left, to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
A kid asks for an ice cream. The man says, "Any sauce?" and the kid says, "Na, I got ketchup at home."
I went shopping, and then to the hospital, and then to bed, and then I promised to only say "and" once in a sentence.
A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."
He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
She says, "Yes, I am."
He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."
A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.
The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"
The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."
Me: I want a PS5.
Dad: Alright, I will say no.
What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is the weirdest thing to say?
Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops!
Weirdest thing to say: "Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?" "The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien." (weird).
Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt (really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?
"I'm not a-moosed right now."