Say jokes

Teacher: Ok class, good morning. We are going to start off by asking what kind of sound animals make.

Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

Class: A cow says "moo moo."

Teacher: Good!

Teacher: What does a sheep make?

Class: A sheep says "baa baaa."

Teacher: Good! Now, what does a pig say?

Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall, you stupid mother fucker!"

An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.

It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."

The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"

The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"

The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.

Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.

Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"

My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"

One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."

3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.

The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"

The bartender says, "No bread here."

And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"

And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."

So the duck says, "Got any nails?"

And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.

Ok, so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him.

It was a seven course meal if I say so myself.

What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.

What did one Koala say to the other?

"Help me I'm burning. Aaaugh!!! Oh fuck oh fuck I'm on fire!! AAAAaugh!"

A Mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car, and the passenger asked, "Where are we going?"

The Mexican says, "I'm not driving, the drunk guy is."

The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."

The doctor says, "Next, please."

Look over there, I say to a man... he was blind. /ratio /bozo /ratio

What did the woman say to the man?

"Stop."

What did the man do?

Keep going.

FUCK MEN IN THE ARSE

What did the cancer doctor say?

You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!

"Akeld" sounds like a 56-year-old man just picking on kids for no reason. I say, get a life!

What did the rooster say to the hen? Goodbye.

What did the orphan say to the house? Can I live here?

What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?

"This taste a little funny."

A priest, a minister, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this a joke?"

Why did the duck say hi to the other butt?

Because he wanted it to smell good.