Say jokes

I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.

A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

If it is someone's birthday, say this for a joke:

"A long time ago in a far away galaxy...

YOU WERE BORN!"

A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"

The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"

What did one butthole say to the other?

"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Nothing, because fish can't talk.

A family of three, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”

“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.

“Let me start,” says the son.

“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.

“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.

“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom.

“You’re right!” He replies.

“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”

“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son.

“The lie isn’t that you’re adopted,” says the dad.

Me: I want a PS5.

Dad: Alright, I will say no.

What did Jim say to Jeff? "I killed your ham."

What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?

"Bye son!"

Get it? Bye son, Bison!

"Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching, but You're too shy to say it Inside, we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you." mucho_mango: just woke up from my dream what was that.

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."

What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?

"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"

What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?

"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

Person: Uh okay.

You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: What hit you in the face last night?

Person: Addicted... *laughs*

(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

What did the Teacher say to the orphan?

"I am calling your parents!"

The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."