Say jokes
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
So, unfortunately, I got kicked out of the library again because, for some reason, they say that books on women's rights don't go in the fantasy section.
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, it just waved.
If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
What did the tower say to the other?
"Man, someone's on fire today!"
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
What did the boyfriend say to his girlfriend?
So you can't pay rent and you know you're going to get evicted, but all of the sudden you hear a knock on your door and it's your landlord, but he's naked and erect, and on his cock, it says, "Your rent is due."
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?
Because it says "B Positive!"
Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.
What did the mountain say to the helicopter? Kobee.
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When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.