Say jokes

Here is a jacket for my favorite Jew.

It says, "271032."

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

What did Caesar’s cat say to him? Nothing. Cats don’t talk.

What did the Roman say to the gladiator?

See you later, gladiator.

my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.

So I stabbed him. Now we wait.

Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?

He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.

POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"

A man told his love interest she looked beautiful.

And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him.

And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny.

Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.

What do you say when going for a dunk in basketball?

"Kobe crash!"

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "What, no soap?" Then he dies and she marries the barber.

What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.

What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."

What did the shoes say to the pants?

"SUP, BRITCHES!"

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.

Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.

What did the screw say to the screw? We sure screwed things up!

What school did we say it was today? What did the snow say? "I love!"

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

What does a polite mouse say?

"Cheese and thank you."

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?

“Good evening, ladies.”

Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.

Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”