Say jokes
Everyone says "no homo," why do gays not say "no hetero?"
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
"Simon says touch your chin."
The fat people be like, "Which one?"
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
A black man entered a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender says, "That looks exotic, where’d you get it?"
"Africa," the parrot responded.
What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.
How do you spell ihop?
Then spell ihop and say "ness".
A bear walks into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Can I have a grilled . . . cheese?"
The barkeep asks the bear, "What's with the big pause?" The bear says, "Well, I'm a bear."
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
What does Marcus Rashford say when he comes to the stadium?
I wanna kick some balls!
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
I guess you could say Stephen Hawking is a dead meme.
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
A person laughs every day.
"Man," they say, "I'm glad I'm not an egg, otherwise I'd just CRACK MYseLf uP!"
Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
Three guys walk into a bar: one Asian, one American, one Black.
A girl walks in and says if all three of your D*** sizes don't add up to 12 inches, I will shoot you.
First comes the American with 3 inches, then the Black man with 8.
It totals out to 11 and they look at the Asian and say "Oh no."
He comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve.
She walks away and says ok.
The Asian says, "You're lucky she was hot, so I had a boner!"