Say jokes

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

What do Jamaicans say when they touch a cactus?

Pokemon!

What did the plane say to the tower?

"Give me a kiss."

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?

"This is a stand-up."

What did kings say when they were made king? Allah ail (All hail) [insert name here]!

What does General Grievous say after he gets his penis growth pills?

A fine addition to my erection.

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?

Hard cheese! 🧀😂

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."

"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"

Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"

The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."

"What the FU***** SH**"

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.

Trump says to Obama, "You know it’s the White House, not the black house, right?" And Obama says, "Yeah, but it isn’t the orange house either."

A straight man and a gay man are talking. The straight man says, "I'm wanted in 2 states for murder." and the gay man replies with, "Oh, that sucks. I'm wanted in 13 for existing."

Americans leave without saying goodbye, and Russians say goodbye without leaving.

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.

And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"

And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."

There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"

What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?

Nothing.

This is Sally.

Sally says hi.

This is Sally when a car comes by. 🤕

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."