Say jokes
I left Twitter for a while, and when I tried to log back in, I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter.
Sadly, my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Okay, I'm so sorry, Alya, and Drew. I didn't mean to say that you guys were stupid and cringy. I mistyped. Can you guys forgive me by any chance? I'm so sorry :(
Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.
"Watch out, there's an iceberg!"
Other person: "We will be fine."
10 minutes later, drowns, says, "We will be fine."
What did the butt say to the other butt? "I got big fat apples for butt checks!"
What did I say to my friend, "Job, your new name is Jojo Siva?"
What did I say to my friend? "Job, your new name is Jojo Siwa."
What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?
Nothing... she couldn't tell.
What do bitches say?
"FUCK ALL YA NASTY BITCHES!"
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?
"Quack, quack."
An orphan walks into a bar and the barman says, "What are you doing here? You need parent's permission!"
"Oh no, who will I ask?" the orphan says.
What did the cannibal say to the other?
"Can I practise on you?"
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
What did the two oceans say to each other?
Nothing. They just waved.
What did Charizard say to Arceus? "Knife to meet you, literally. I got you out of Pokémon Sword and Shield!"
A man told his love interest she looked beautiful.
And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him.
And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny.
Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.
Why do people say "cheese" in a camera?
Because they were using the computer.
One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
5 knock knock jokes from best to corny.
1. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little help getting in the door.
2. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Scold. Scold who? Scold outside, let me in!
3. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mikey. Mikey who? Mikey isn't working, can you let me in?
4. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Says. Says who? Says me, that's who!
5. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are, asking all these questions?