Say jokes

Kid says, “Are you a soldier?”

Soldier says, “Mhm.”

Kid says, “I wanna be a soldier someday.”

Soldier says, “Really?”

The kid says, “Yeah, but father says I don’t have the balls to be a soldier, but he’s right. I’m a FUCKING PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS!!!"

I didn’t orphan never say home.

Because they didn’t have one.

There's at least 856 pages of these newest puns. I couldn't finish, because it took me an hour just to get that far. Just saying, that's a lot of jokes!

The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

Qwen, I have to tell you something, so say "hi" and I will tell you.

Hey Gwen, reply to me and say if everything is alright.

Hey Abygail ;) can we talk? I just wanna say that you prob are sexy :)

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where is my tractor?"

What did the orphan say when his mum asked, "What do you want for dinner?"

He replied, " "

This girl called me cute, and I told her don’t call me that. She says why, I told her, “Bitch, call me the Hokage!”

What does Joyce from the show "Stranger Things" say when she has a flat tire? "Wheil, wheil, wheres wheil?"

What did Superman say to Batman?

Nothing, Bruce is dead.

What did the fish say when he hit the wall?

Dam!

When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"

Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.

Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.

Falco: Wat...

My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”

I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”

I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”

Two muffins are sitting in a bar.

The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."

The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.

Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.

Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

Class: A cow says mo mo.

Teacher: Good.

Teacher: What does a sheep make?

Class: A sheep says maa maaa.

Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?

Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.