what did the pot say to the kettle? to lick the spoon
There is a really, really small guy and his name is Adam, so I say, "Hey, look, it's an atom!"
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite type of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.
Person: I'd really like it if you'd stop saying my name all the time.
Random Person: Cheesus! That hurt!
Person: SERIOUSLY!?!?
What did one statue say to another statue? "Hey! Is that you?"
What do you say after you go out for middle eastern food? I falafel (feel awful)!
You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.
My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.
What does a pillow say when you live for a week? "Don't forget me!"
Hey guys, it's Gwen, and I want to say that I'm deleting my account regarding a comment made on my last post :(
Digga D, I'm a well known bandit, bandit Had a new mash, just landed Jheez, cop it, chop it, sand it, hand it The verbal ting I can't stand it Wife and two, got tanned when I banged it Mad ting Got a conspiracy case in the silliest Place, they're saying that I planned it, damn it Back on a Feltham landing You ain't been in the hood like Robin I ride in hoods tryna leave man red (Crud) The sweets are goldy, yola drops and lots of dred (Maud) No porkies, pepper them pigeons, they chase this ped Gyal tryna give man noddy, She ain't got balls in her tongue thats dead
FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.
So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...
An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?
Nothing, he was dead.
What did the pedophile say to the kids?
"FUCK!"
3 friends go to a water park and meet a genie. “You each get one wish.” “When you get to the top of the slide you shall scream your wish as you go down.” The first man went down the slide and screamed “COCA COLA” and the pool was fuelled with CocaCola. The next ugly ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams “C-M&MS” as if he wasn’t just about to say cum-then the pool was full of cu-⟟ mean M&Ms. The last horny ass bitch is so excited he says “WEEE!” Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pull wasn’t full of Dildos./j
There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.
The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's grave?
"Rust in peace."
I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.
What did Allan say to his sister bully when she stepped on his toe? "Mitosis!"
My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"
