Say jokes
Son: Dad, can I get a girlfriend?
Dad: Son, no, you are only 10, so no.
Son: Dad, I'm leaving to get a girlfriend.
Dad: Son, nooo, you are not my son!
Son: What did you say? *Son slaps the dad.*
Dad: Good, son, goodbye, get out of my home.
Son: Good, you can go move to a new home.
"Does this make any cents?" a man says.
"Oh, it does make cents," me. <-- thing: Lemin"aid" <-- another joke.
Hey guys! Ello here with an update!
I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately, so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to Downtown Disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that. Then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay 'til midnight, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!
What does an emo kid say when they wanna hang out?
"Wanna hang?"
You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!
"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
What did the poo say to the ass?
"I left you."
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.
2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!
3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.
4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.
5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We’re closed."
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."
On my Tinder profile, I said, "I prefer quality over quantity." I just thought it sounded nicer than saying "no fat birds."
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. It just "waved!"
Why can't orphans say "mommy: me?" Because the fosters said no.
How do emo kids compliment each other? They say, "I like your cuts, G!"
What does one emo kid say to the other?
"I like your cuts, G."
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"