Say jokes
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
Three cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.
Cowboy 1 says, "I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands."
Cowboy 2 says, "I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb."
Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
What did the ball say to the other ball? "You're baller!"
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"
When the emo kid looks at you and says, "Fuck you," run!
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
I guess you can say he xxxpired.