Say jokes

What did kings say when they were made king?

Allah ail (All hail) [insert name here]!

What did Thanos say when he snapped his finger? Another one bites the dust.

Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?

A: Beat it, we're closed.

Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were on a falling airplane. There were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world,” so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually there are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”

I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.

What do bitches say?

"FUCK ALL YA NASTY BITCHES!"

When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"

A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"

I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?

Dam.

Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."

- What did the skeleton say to his friend?

- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...

What did the hat say to the tie?

"I'll go on ahead, while you just hang around!"

This guy is boiling water. The girl walks in and says, “What are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m making Holy Water.” She said, “How?” He said, “I’m boiling the hell out of it.”

What did one mountain say to the other? Nice to peak you!

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."

What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?

"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"

John saw a Gay in a wheelchair.

"I didn't know a man could be a fruit and a Vegetable!"

A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"

An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?

Nothing, he was dead.