Say jokes
An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names? the bartender asks. The American says, "William Matthews." The Asian says, "Same Ting."
What do you say when you see a pig making bread?
He's bacon.
Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
What did one angry cow say to another?
We got some beef.
Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Answer: Damn!
What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?
Carlos.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.
That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."
You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.
What did the doctor say to the potato?
It told it it had tuberculosis.
Say:
"Eye"
Spell:
"Map"
Say:
"Ness"
Now say it fast!
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”