Said Jokes

The Wine Taster At An Old Vineyard Died. A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply. He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.”

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said. "It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!"

I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, "Wii!"

A man opened a snail farm.

He said that it is a slow moving business.

Mickey Mouse went to a Psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.” The Psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.” He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

Girl: .... I like you... do you like me back? Me: Nope Girl: *is depressed* oh okay.... Me: u never said "love" Girl: oh! well do you love me? Me: frick no.

mom said dad had the best pullout game... now im an uncle

Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”

One day there were two muffins in an oven, one of the muffins said, "man its hot in here." The other one said "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

"And then I said KNIFE to meet you."

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in STABle condition!"

A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone. But HAY! its in my jeans

I was in math class and we were learning geometry. My teacher said PENTAGON then all of a sudden PENALDO burst into the room! He thought we were talking about PENS so he came looking for some because he's a finished pen merchant! Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my education 🤬 !

Someone stole my grass today, I went to the police and they said: "What's wrong?" I said "How could you tell something was wrong?" they replied "you were looking forlorn"

I wanted another piece of pizza.... but she said I could only have One Piece.

As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in, and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said,"Drama queen!"

I asked my lab partner for sodium hypobromate, but he said Na Br O

what did the chinese girl said when she had a baby? sum ting whong

You raise me up to stand on mountains said the drawf pornstar on my penis