Said jokes

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"

I said, "No, it doesn't!"

North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.

But I realized I can't see him. LOL!

This one time I said to a person that they are dry, then I was wet (ba dum tiss).

My bully said I have to shut up. I said, "Shut down" (ba dum tiss).

We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

Yo mama so dumb when the weather said "it's chili outside," she went inside a goal, small and a bowl.

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

A girl said, "Suck my dick," and the man went, "I have boobs."

There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.

When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"

Two pedos are on the beach.

One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

22 ants were playing football in a saucer.

One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”

My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.

The cat said hi.

There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."