Said jokes
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
It would be fun, they said...
It was unsinkable, they said...
My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.
One day I was jogging through the park and I saw this lady sitting next to a pond in a wheelchair with no legs and arms and said "Why are you crying" she said she had never been hugged I gave her a hug and jogged away.The next day i saw her again and asked her the same question she said "I've never been kissed" I gave her a kiss and went, The third day i asked her thrice and she said I've never been fucked I picked her up from her wheelchair and throwed her in the pond and said your fucked now She didn't make it:)
One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"
Comment anything if you liked the picture of Kenya in her bra!
Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! And it said, "I love everyone!"
#she is sex*
Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!
Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!
"Just say no to drugs!"
Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
"My sister said she was the only smart one in the class."
"What about the teacher you learn *from*?"
I gave an orphan 5 dollars and I said, "Spend it on a candy bar." I came back 5 minutes later and he didn't have a candy bar. So I look over and I see that he has a piggy bank that has 40 dollars and I said, "Where did you get that?" He said, "For being homeless," and I said, "What are you going to spend it on?" He looked at me and said, "I'm going to pay money for a mother."
You know how they said weight people can't jump? Check out the 9/11 videos.
I asked my orphan friend to come to my house. He said he was confused because he didn't know what that is.
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."
Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.