Ruin

Ruin Jokes

Tj if you don't stop trying to ruin Gwen and Prince's relationship then I will scream!!!!!!!!!!

It's some dumb faker and what point of she just wants to be your friend do not understand!

I just wanted to say whoever is a faker pretending to be me, that you are literally ruining my life right now. And I can literally not take this right now in life and that I just want peace so please, please stop.

So a guy gets a motorcycle with authentic leather seats, and the dealer tells him, "Dude, the rain will ruin the seats. Get it under something if it starts raining, and worst-case scenario, put Vaseline all over the seats to make it waterproof." So he goes to his girlfriend's house that night for dinner, and before he goes inside, she says, "Listen, this is your first time meeting my parents. We have a rule: the first one to speak has to do the dishes." So he walks inside and sees a mountain of dishes, over three months' worth, because no one has spoken, and the stench is awful.

During dinner, he concocted a plan to get someone to speak, so he started doing all of this crazy shit to try and get someone to speak. Not a peep. Eventually, he grabs his girlfriend, bends her over, and starts going to town. Still nothing. The parents are outraged but not speaking because they don't want to do the dishes. After about a minute of this, he walks away and does the same to her mum and starts going to town. Now the dad is pissed and just staring him down with daggers. At that moment, it starts to rain. He remembers his motorcycle is out in the rain, and he grabs the Vaseline out of his pack pocket, and the dad goes, "FINE! I'LL DO THE DISHES!"

Stop ruining the jokes. It's called "worst jokes ever" for a reason. We all feel bad for orphans, but people like dark humor and joke about everyone, so quit being offended, please.

The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"

"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."

The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"

"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."

A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

We're gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill.

They’re draining the economy doooown!

They’ve spent our budget on weed

and lube to spill Jack’s seed.

They’ve ruined our wonderful town!

We're gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill.

They have no moralityyyy.

They’re spreading degeneracy.

We ain't what we used to be.

We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,

but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.

They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers.

Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.

We’re gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill!

They’ve banked off buying boooze!

They’ll drink and sell the price

at the original times thrice.

Corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.

We’re gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill.

Their kids’re in the business tooo!

They’re draining all our banks.

Give 'em well deserved spanks.

We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.

Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.

What a blunder, there was no rubber, now they’re a house of eeiiight!

A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.

It all went swell, but for us, well, we’re now an oligarchy!

WE’LL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!

It was 2017, and lots of people were hating RiceGum because he released Frick Da Police, a diss track insulting Idubbbz's Content Cop video on RiceGum

A few hours after the diss track was released, someone went to Rice's house and spray painted Asian Jake Paul on the wall of the front of his house.

Rice went to "meet" Idubbbz, then he saw the graffiti.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"

Hours later, police found 4 suspects

"Explain"

Sus 1: I don't vandalize

Sus 2: I was staying indoors because it was rainy

Sus 3: I fucking RiceGum, but I would not ruin his cheap ass house lol

Sus 4: I eat bricks

Police: I know who RiceGum: Who? Police: ITS-

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Notice anything in the number crowd?

Comment the answer below and I will see who is correct

Watersharky Music Productions Presents Memories by Conan Gray.

One, two

It's been a couple months That's just about enough time For me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures Now I kinda smile, I haven't felt that in a while It's late, I hear the door Bell ringing and it's pouring I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance You just wanna talk and I can't turn away a wet dog But please don't ruin this for me Please don't make it harder than it already is I'm trying to get over this I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Now I can't say goodbye if you stay here the whole night You see, it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning Over and over again I promise that the ending always stays the same So there's no good reason in make believing that we could ever exist again I can't be your friend, can't be your lover Can't be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love With somebody other than me I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories Since you came I guess I'll let you stay For as long as it takes To grab your books and your coat And that one good cologne That you bought when we were fighting 'Cause it's still on my clothes, everything that I own And it makes me feel like dying I was barely just surviving I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories.

Peyton: Okay guys, no talking about dumb and stupid things that are not important.

Ysabella: No!!!

Peyton: Oh SHUT YOUR FACE THE HECK UP!

Navaya: That makes no sense.

Isaiah: I know, right.

Kenya: You don't tell us what to do, you control freak.

Ysabella: Shush.

Kenya: BLAH!

Peyton: Now we shall be watching some amazing things on YouTube. Subject: math. aka BORING!!!!

Andre: Say, how old are you?

Kenya: What?

Andre: I'm asking her how old she is.

Peyton: That's none of your beeswax.

Andre: Okay then.

9 hours later.

Peyton: Okay class, time for science!!!

Kenya: Okay, what are we doi...

Peyton: SHUSH!!!

Ysabella: Shush.

Peyton: We aren't doing anything but playing around with all this STUFF!!! heheheheehe.

Navaya: No, thanks.

Peyton: Yes, thanks!

Mariah: Why? Oh, for science.

Peyton: Shut your mouth and watch me do this science work!!!

10 hours later.

Peyton: What else?

Ysabella: Well we can play games since that's all we have!

Peyton: WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND BY SHUTING YOUR MOUTH UPPPP!?!?!?! HMMMMMMMM?

Ysabella: Sorry!

Peyton: Then act like it!

Kenya: Shush!

Peyton: Shush!

Andre: Shush. Shush!

Mariah: Andre?

Andre: Shush!

1 hour later.

Peyton: Well we have a lot of E.L.A. work to do.

Ysabella: Sweetie this is Math and Science class! Not the other classes. Peyton mocking Ysa: Sweetie this is Math and Science class. Not the other classes. I know things!

Andre: Then act like you know things.

Kenya: True.

Oliver: True that.

Peyton: SHUT IT!!!

Oliver: No! Geez.

2 hours later, clock time (7:00)

Peyton: Whooohooo we got our E L A done now time for- Ysabella: I'm going to stop you right there! We have been working all morning from 5:00 a.m. to this o'clock a.m.! Sooo KNOCK IT OFF!!

Andre: Yes, thank you Ysabella, you are now at the top of my friend list!

Ysabella: What? Whatever!

Peyton: Fine, go somewhere else and whine about it 'cause I idc!

Kingston: What does that mean, ohhhhhh.

Peyton: Idc.

Ysabe: IDC what does that mean?

Kingston: "I don't care".

3 hours has passed now and it turned to 8:00 a.m.

Peyton: What do guys want to do?

Ysabella: Play games.

Kingston: Draw!

Andre: Go home!

Peyton: Please. Well I'm picking so haha.

Kenya: Here it says that we can pick the things we want to do, it just can't be harmful or bad for us!

Oliver: Really it says that?

Kenya: Yeah, right here.

Oliver: Noice.

Peyton: Oh, go play!

Kenya: Good, byeeee!

Oliver: Peace!

1 hour later. Ysabella: Woohoo, okay yes. Kingston: What's going over there? Navaya: I don't know... oh she's playing a game! I think that's Interland, wow she is on level 78. super cool! Kingston: She on what?

Navaya: Shush, shush, shush, shush! Kingston: RUDE!! Ysabella: Whoooohooooooooooooooo!!!! Navaya: Yeah go ysa! Kingston: What is she doing- Navaya: SHUSH!!!! Kingston: WhAtEvEr!!!!! Navaya: Oliver, Mariah, Kenya! Ysa just made it to level 89!!!! Yeeeeeee!! Oliver: Cool. Mariah: ?. Kenya:?

1 hour later. still 8:00.

Ysabella: I'm on level 89,000,890. WOW!!!!

Kenya: How? Kingston: MOVE!!! Kenya: OWWW!!! Kingston: Sorry Uh I did not mean to do that, are you okay? Kenya: What do you think? Navaya: Guys stop hugging, and get over here. Kenya: Gross! Kingston: Dude? Braylon: Guys shut up!! Kenya and Kingston: WE GOT IT!!!

Ysabella: Your on level 90,890,9795, 4839,86903,6960,6 9506.996 WOOOOOOOOW!!! Kenya: That's a lot of numbers!! Kingston: SuRe is!

2 hours later, 9:09 a.m, Peyton: Okay GUYS THAT'S ENOUGH GAMES FOR RIGHT NOW! Leilani: Why Ysa so close to her winning streak of reaching 900.138.902 milion billion points and levels on Interland!! Yeeeey.Peyton: Wow, great, cool, amazing!! Who CARES!!!! I KNOW I DON'T!!!

Leilani: Yeah that's cause your heartless person! Who agrees?

All the class raised their hands. Peyton: Blah! Leilani: WHATEVER!

Peyton: Anyway the boss said that she wants us to do social studies. Who likes too? I know I don't.

5 hours later 10:10 a.m, Peyton: Okay let's see I'm reading from the passage "The great plains experienced a drought from 1932 to 1939. This nat- Madison: The answer is dust bowl! That's the answer... we did this in class and turned all our work in so y'all know yeah, end of the story. Peyton: Well what about Kenya? Kenya: I did it. Mariah: We all did it! Andre: Did you do it? Peyton: Of course I did the social studies work! Duh, I'm not an idiot. Andre: Well sure, that's what you think!

Peyton: Okay guys what shall it be for lunch? Any choices cause this is a one time thing, no seconds.

Raymond: Uh tacos.

Kingston: Wrong! Pizza!

Raymond: It's not Friday!

Ysabella: Guys stop, this is a one time thing, no second chances. They choose Pizza and Tacos. Kingston: Whateves. Raymond: No! Peyton: Okay fine I'll chose... and we will have Pizza and tacos with soda PLEASE and thanks. Raymond: Will that's not bad but I DON'T LIKE PIZZA!!! Navaya: Shut up Raymond, you're going to ruin this for us!

1 hour later.

Peyton: Okay guys, now let's get back to work!! NOW!

Kenya: No, we already did our work!

Peyton: Sure you did! Peyton rolls her eyes.

Navaya: Did you do all your work Miss.Hickman? Hmmm.

Ysabella: Yes, answer that question! Hehehehehe.

Peyton: Heheh hell.

Kingston: OOOOOOOOO you said the H word! Peyton: K so?

Kenya: Here it states "No kids shall use bad words also known as profanity in the school halls and inside the classroom". Kingston: Dang, wow! Kenya: Thanks!!

2 hours later. Peyton: Attention everyone! Attention!

Janiah: What is it now! Kenya: Yeah. David: Yes Ms. Hickman? What, I have manners. Alexis: WHAT!? Peyton: Thanks for the loud attention! Okay that's the past now who wants to learn Spanish? Janiah: Why? Not that that's a bad thing but why... WHY WOULD WE WANT TO LEARN SPANISH?! Kenya: Many reasons so we can begin a big way to not having to go to Spanish classes and other nonsense! Peyton: Sure that too and plus we're all bored right? Right!

56 mins later. Peyton: So how do you say Hello in Spanish? Kingston. Kingston: Hola, duh everyone knows that! Oliver: I don't, so thanks King thanks! Peyton: How do you say "Hello, how are you" in Spanish?

Ysabella: Hola, como estas? Boom did it! I got an A! Kenya: Good job! Ysabella: Gracias. Peyton: Wow, way to show off. how do you...

Kenya: How do you say "This is stupid" in Spanish oh wait "Esto es estupido" trust me I looked it up!! Alexis: Wow!!! did you use translate? Kenya: Si

55 mins later. Peyton: How do you say "Everyone in here is acting like jerks and morons, they won't stop interrupting me and won't SHUT THEIR faces like I asked them too do multiple times" anyone? Nevaeh Daniels raised her hand, go on Nev! Nevaeh: Todos aquí están actuando como idiotas y Imbécil, no dejarán de interrumpirme y no CERRARÁN SUS caras como les pedí que lo hicieran varias veces?

Peyton: Yes!!! But I meant that as a sarcastic type of way! Kenya: Okay freee time!!! Everyone cheers!!!

To be continued.... This is about a 11 year old girl in charge in her classroom and spending the rest of the week with annoying classmates.

4 hours later. Kingston: Will we finally got away from that witch! Jaden: Thank you universe! Madison: Wait do you mean witch as in Peyton? Kingston: Yes! Kenya: Red lipstick, Red lipstick, Red lipstick! Kingston: Red lipstick? Mariah: Yes we chose red lipstick is that a ding dang problem?! Kingston: No ma'am. Kenya: Peyton, guys RED LIPSTICK!! Do I have to say it in Spanish? Kingston: Guys Pey is on the way hurry...why? Cause she's looking for us DUMMY! Oliver: Okay ready. Geex.

1 hour later 7:00 p.m. Peyton in creepy way: Hey guys! Where are you! Kenya: Few more minutes! Ysabella: Peyton really has gone crazy!!! Kenya: Yeah shut up real quick! is it in position? Kingston: Sooooon. Kenya: Hury up you ding dang nitwit! Kingston: Blah! Kamrieiana: How is the dieinc? HOW ARE THEY?! Cornelese: There in place and don't spit in my face please. Kamrieiana: Sorry... HURRY UP MAN!!!! Jovani: HURRY Up DUDE!! Cornelese :O SHUT UP JOVANI!!!! Kenya: Hurry!!!

The next morning it was Tuesday, Peyton walked in the classroom feeling kind of mad at her classmates or co-workers. Peyton: Ugh! Stupid teachers!!!!! Leaving me in charge of the dumb class!!!! Jrks I mean JERKS!!!! Aniyah: O DANG It WHY THIS CLASSROOM!!!!!! Peyton: Blah! Aniyah: What? Peyton rolls her eyes at Aniyah. Aniyah: Keep rolling your eyes or they will get stuck up there!! Jarryd and Ethan walk in. Jarryd: O will hello Peyton! Ethan: Yes Hello.

2 mins ago. Kenya, Dijohn, Oliver, Osiris, Nevaeh, Mariah and Madison aka sisters came in. Kenya: Why this idiot? Oliver: Kenya that is mean but true at the same time. Osiris: Gotdang it I hate Peyton- Sometimes. Dijohn: I hate school and Pey too! Nevaeh: I like Pey she is nice. Kenya: Have you even met her?! Mariah: Hey guys listen I don't care about "Pey" I just came here to learn... Okay... now move Ken I got to work! Kenya: I don't blame you, excuse me!

4 minutes earlier. Dreylan, Janiah, Ji'Kyece, Laura, Braylon and Leilani both arrived TARDY. Dreylan: No, I prayed that she would not be here... PRAYED!!! Janiah: You prayed, I PRAYED 23 Times!! Ji'Kyece: Me, 45.

Laura: Enough! Save that for if it's really important! Braylon: And this is not Important!? Leilani: You guys are acting 2 year olds... 2 YEAR OLDS!!!! lets just find our seats... I mean come on, we did all of our work yesterday today will just be fun and games!! Laura: Yeah!!!

3 mins later. David, Ysabella, Kingston, Jazzlyn, Dylan,Tre'von and Jarod came in the classroom. David: Whyyyyyyyyyy! Ysabella: It should be time for Ms.Sumrall and Mrs.Lewis to get back from their stupid Teacher Trip! Kingston: Exactly! Jazzlyn: What are you guys so pissed off about? Dylan: oooooooo....oooooooo....ooooo!!! Tre'von: You said the P word! Jarod: Yeah We telln you momi! Ha...Ha...ha...ha...ha..ha...haeha! Jazzlen mama is goin to be so Mad! Jazzlen: Oh shut up witch face!!!!!!!

23 minutes later. Raymond,Y'uree, Elijah, Jessica and Bryson arrived TARDY As WELL As TARDY. Raymond: Nooooooooo! Y'uree: Yesssssss! Y'uree said yes in a sarcastic way. Jessica: whyyyy what did I do! Elijah: Man I hate School... HATE IT!!! Bryson: Wanna know who I do hate. Anthony and Peyton. Jessica: Because of that long pause thing? Bryson: Yesss, but that's not the point in this situwaytion! Raymond: True! Y'uree: True to that.

45 mins later. Peyton: Will class, hehe I sound so stupid right now but anyway we have 45 pages in our reading book to read, oh my bad... chapters! Anthony: Really? Bryson: She just said we have 45 chapters to read! Were you even listening?! Anthony: I was NOT TA- Peyton: Uh hmmm? Anthony: What...ever. Peyton: Okay guys enough of the mouth moving and more of the reading!!! Jessica: Will my book is tore in the middle section! Peyton: Gasp!!!! Fine I'll fix it! You big cry baby.

Jessica: Thanks?

All the kids came in late about around 10:10 a.m. Kingston: Help! Navaya: Shush! Hey guys we're just reviewing things since you know were in "school", and Peyton is still in charge! Ysabella: Wait why is she in charge? David: Will in contrast Mrs.Lewis and Ms.Sumrall have not returned from their so-one calls it "Vacation" so they put Peyton in charge of us since their is no substitute! Janiah: That sounds soooo stupid! David: Will do you know a substitute? Janiah: No! David: Well then.

Kenya B.