I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round, because he was an odd man out
So, y'all remember Hitler, right?
Ok, so I own a gun with Nazi rounds. I shot a guy who was entering my home who wasn't invited. He said, "Did you shoot me with Nazi rounds?" Then I said, "Do you mean 'nein' millimeter?"
What do you call a too round egg?
A prEGGnant egg.
Time for double joke tuesday
What is a bird's favorite letter?
A C gull
So I won a round of CSGO with my team, then on VC, some kid trash talked me
Kid: Your a dick, you know!
Me: And your a pussy, you know?
Why do nuns go round in pairs? So one nun makes sure the other nun don't get none!
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
What's big round and can't move?
A vegetable
It's embarrassing when there is no toilet paper and you need to go and get one with your pants down. Luckily, the supermarket is just around the corner.
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."
Now, how about that drink?
" I heard a noise in the basement! I'm gonna go to my friends house and play Minecraft with him until the noise I heard goes away." " I heard a noise in the basement. I'm gonna go down there with a bazooka and thirty thousand rounds of pistol ammo and fifty thousand pistols."
Said no horror movie character ever
and also GTA logic
My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.
I said “40.”
Kids uncle " your mum said you can have your friends round tonight ! But imma have to baby sit today" . Kid "OK THANK YOU". (AT BED TIME ) Kid " Please may u stop touching my leg BEN!" Ben "im not " (turns light on ) Kid " UCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME !!!"
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
The wheels on the wheel chair go round and round
The earth is not round.
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