Robbery

Robbery Jokes

Robber

Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?

A black guy.

Guy

A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"

Rose

Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!

Bank

Banker: I have the right to take your money!

Me: Check my name.

Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?

Banker: *realizes*

Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.

Stereotype

Q: How do you know if a gang of Chinese people robbed your house?

A: All the rice is gone.

Orphan

Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?

Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)

Mama

Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"

Atheism

"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.

The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.

"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"

"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.

The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?

Slur

I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"

People

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.

Thief

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

Bank robbery

Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?

Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...

Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.

Suicide

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

Wheelchair

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

Dwarf

Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?

Pistol

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.

You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

Bank robbery

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"