Road Jokes

This city slicker broke down on a country road. He looked around, and in the distance, he spotted a farm house. When he finally got there, he asked the farmer if he had a phone he could use because his had no reception.

The farmer told him he could use it if he married his daughter. The guy said he really didn’t wanna get married, and the farmer said, "If you marry my daughter, I’ll give you half my farm..." The guy said, "Lemme see her..." The farmer hollered, “Hey you, get over here...” and she said, “Duh, ok.” The ol' boy looked at her and said, "Nooo thank you."

The father said, “I’ll give you all my farm and my bank account if you’ll marry my daughter....” The ol' boy thought for a minute and said, “Well I guess I can put a sack over her head.” So they married and the farmer kept his word and gave him everything.

One day the guy was up fixin' the roof and hollered, “Hey you, get me some nails...” His wife said, “Duh, nails, nails?” He said, “Yes, nails,” and showed her one. She said, “Oh, duh, nails, nails.” He said, “Yes, nails.” So she got him some. He was hammering away when he hit his thumb, and he yells, “Oh F*** it!” and she turned and hollered, “Duh, a sack, a sack, duh, a sack!”

What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?

A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.

While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.

Kat, what? I did. A cat jump over the road because he believes he came flying in the clouds. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah! So funniest kitten kitten kitten kidding is my last time of Do you Joooooooooooooooooooooookin?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.

Join us for more of the story, after the break!

Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.

The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"

why did the baby cross the road? because he wanted to die

Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.

Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.

As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.

Then one stops and asks his companion:

"Does this taste funny to you?"

Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?

Why did the octopus cross the road?

'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.

why did not the toilet paper make it across the road to excape the corano virise

I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.

What road goes all the way to the sky? A highway.

Why can't orphans cross roads?

They don't have a parent to hold hands with.

Why did the depressed person cross the road?

To get run over.

Why did Zozo the hobo cross the road?

To eat the Pringles.

Why did the hobo cross the road?

To get the rotten donut on the other side.

Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!