My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
