New Revenge Jokes

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

A note for my History Teacher:

Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

Karma is like rape.

What goes around comes around, like a dead rape victim in a whirlpool.

They laughed at my drawing so I laughed at their chalk outline 😈

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...

...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.

She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.

My dad smashed my PS5, so I smashed his wife.

Bin Laden's relatives died in a plane crash on 8/1! #justice

My wife cheated on me with my brother.

She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!