Revenge Jokes

My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.

A girl called me ugly.

So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.

Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

My mom smashed my Xbox, so I smashed her daughter. 😏

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

A note for my History Teacher:

Frick frack apple jack tic tac sick sack Mr. Khan and give him a big fat whack 'cause his teaching's got lack, his system I will hack and through the screen I'll give him a smack. I'll throw him on the clothing rack. On his seat I'll put thumb tacks, I'll break his momma's back... and he'll never come back.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

Karma is like rape.

What goes around comes around, like a dead rape victim in a whirlpool.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind...

...but it will allow ugly people to get laid.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.

My dad smashed my PS5, so I smashed his wife.

Bin Laden's relatives died in a plane crash on 8/1! #justice

My wife cheated on me with my brother.

She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.