A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
Somebody stole my joke
So i stole their spinal cord.
A kid named billy get his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money and his wallet taken by his father. The father then gets all the money taken from his by the bully’s grandfather along with is own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by billy along with his own wallet.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back.
What is Alan Turing's reincarnation doing? Getting revenge for what some people said about him being gay.
When my girlfriend broke up with me I took her wheelchair. I always knew she would come crawling back
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me. That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
So I am an emo dude so I sit in the back of the class and I talk to no one.But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me so I just ignored him.Then he got really pissed off and said “I’m gonna kill you”.I was like “Your gonna kill me just because I ignored you, is your ego that big, wow.”He left then the next day he brought his goons with him and said “now your dead” I ignored him again and he said “you will pay for this.”So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house then him and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died so I kept on walking.I had some rope traps set.This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emo’s.We have ropes everywhere.
If you wanna hit somebody, hit an orfan, what are they gonna do... tel their parents
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”
“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
