The undertaker's famous saying is "Rest In Peace" to all of his opponents, but really they don't rest in peace. The only peace they get is from God.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????
Today I went to get a sub, and they asked me if I wanted all vegetables. I said no, leave some for the rest of the customers.
Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.
My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."
"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂
Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
"Buy a man an airplane ticket, he will fly once. Throw a man off an airplane and he will fly for the rest of his life."
- Sun Tzu
How many thots have I bullied?
Three. The rest are dead.
What's the difference between me and the rest of America?
I love one and hate the other.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
I need to Goliath down and sleep!
Stephen Hawking, rest in PC World.
What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"
"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."
"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"
You and Jason in your bed.
Fork pierces the flesh. Guided by hunger's demand, Savoury feast waits.
Tines dig deep within, Seeking the sustenance craved, A mealtime delight.
Belly grumbles loud, Yearning for nourishment's touch, Fork answers the call.
Food on the platter, Fork dances with anticipation, To satiate hunger's plea.
Digestion begins, Fork's journey now complete, Nourishing the soul.
Why does the fork go? To bring joy to empty hearts, Satiating needs.
In the stomach's depths, Fork finds purpose and solace, A culinary bond.
With each mealtime tale, The fork carves memories deep, In stomachs it rests.
