So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun in a blender.
I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
Why did the emo kid hate the nun? (Cuz nun of them were emo.)
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
Because he has holes in his feet.
Ctrl, Alt, Deletus, because of thine fetus.
My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."
Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?
Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.
Where does a banana learn to split?
At sundae school!
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
