Religion jokes

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?

Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."

A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.

At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.

How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

Should I burn heaven?

If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?

Why does Satan worship himself?

Jesus told him to worship God.

A true God would be godless himself.

God's consciousness: Art.

God's unconsciousness: Christianity.

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?