what’s the difference between jesus and maddie mccann one had the last supper
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
How did Jesus kill himself?
He fell from his bike
How many times did he die?
Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in heaven
How do gay guys finish prayer?
“GAYMEN!”
This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.
(Do you get the joke?)
(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)
If orphans aren’t religious, they really have no father. 😂
Jesus is a rock music fan.
Because he likes Nine Inch Nails.
When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.
You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
God- make a grumpy old man president.
Angel- why?
G- cause I said so-name him Trump.
A- okay.
G- make him not pay taxes.
A- okay...
Fast forward to 2020
G- you know that grumpy old man?
A- yea...
G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.
A- Krona.
G- exactly.
A- why do you hate humans so much?
G- because I can.
God: Why is the teenager so short?
Angel: I don't know.
God: I said, "Strong as a bear!"
Angel: No, you said, "Ass hair."
God: No, I didn't!
You ever hear of a reverse exorcism?
It's where the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.
Three guys are walking in a bar. A priest, a paedophile, and a rapist. That was just the first guy.
What games do monks play a lot?
Among Us.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
What is an angel's favorite kind of tortilla chip dip?
GuacaHOLY!
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
