Religion jokes
And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth, and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.
What does McDonald's and priests have in common?
They put their meat inside 10 year olds.
My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:
Allah hu akbar.
Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
"Thank God there are no of these ahahha ya thank God to pranks."
"Oh I forgot a dance 🕺 😅 joke is good ok for kids."
Why do orphans go to church?
To call someone "father."
How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.
Why does an orphan go to church?
So it has someone to call father.
Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
The priest had a very holy shirt.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jesus.
Jesus who?
Jesus Christ, open the door!
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
I asked God why nobody likes me. He showed a reflection of myself.
How does a priest purify water?
Boil the hell out of it!