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Religion jokes

I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!

You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.

Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?

Because there is no ramp to heaven.

What is different about priests and acne?

Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.

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    • I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

    Prophets are through the roof!

    I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

    She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

    My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

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    • A missionary was caught by cannibals. He was tied up and thrown into a big pot. The cannibals were chopping up vegetables and throwing them into the pot with the missionary. When they lit the fire under the pot, the missionary said, "You can't stew me. I'm a friar."

    Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."