Religion jokes

What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.

God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.

What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head!

Your grandmother died because she fell on the highest floor of the hotel. Your grandfather died because he got shot while saving your mother. If he didn't save your mother, you wouldn't be here.

You grew up in a world full of viruses. You wanted the virus to be gone. There's only one way, but you have to know it. I can't tell it for you.

Your mother got Covid-19. You prayed and prayed all night, hoping that she would be okay. The next day, the doctors went to your house without your mother. You asked, "Where is my mother?!" The doctors said, "Your mother is gone, so we came here to tell you." The doctors left. Another hour, you were thinking while crying, "Why was my prayer not working? Lord, why'd you let me down?"

You searched on Google "How to bring back the dead." The Google workers declined it. Your father left you because he loved another girl. Your brothers are still with you, but what if they get the virus? Who will be with you?

Don't forget Jesus is still there for you. Don't give up, keep going, and you will succeed soon. You will find your own family and beat the coronavirus.

Why can't Jesus play hockey?

He keeps getting nailed to the boards.

Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.

What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?

A Christian.

If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.

Why do Indian men prefer fat women?

Because they worship cows.

Why did the orphan go to church?

So that they had someone to call father.

Father, then the priest says, "Son, Holy Spirit, amen." No, I was asking you a question, Father.

What goes black, white, black, white, down a hill?

A fat nun.

What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?

The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.

Yo mama so old, she was Jesus' nanny! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?

"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."

Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion.

What’s a nun's weapon of choice?

Nun-chucks.

What's the difference between a nun and a prostitute taking a bath?

The nun has a soul full of hope...