What’s my favorite Islamic Holiday... 9/11.
Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.
I moved all the bibles to the fiction section because there is no god as said Stephen Hawking in 2011 but in 2018 god said there was no Stephen Hawking
What did Mother Mary say when God farted? Jesus Christ, you stink!
Bust it open for Jesus!
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
I don't have luck with other angels.
So I just WING IT!
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
Why are most West Virginians going to hell?
Their favorite pastimes (inbreeding and bestiality) are an abomination unto the Lord.
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
Need an arch? I Noah guy.
Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.
Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?
A sad news story.
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
God took away Stephen Hawking's privileges.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
