Religion jokes
Why do orphans go to church?
They go there to finally call someone "father."
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?
So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.
Why do nuns go around in pairs?
So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
What did the airplane say to the tower? Allahu Akbar!
Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?
Why did the orphans go to the church?
Because they need someone to call "father."
Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?
because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.
What to gift a child molester who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers.
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
What do a politician and a minister have in common?
Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?
If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.