Newest Record Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

What is the fastest thing in the world?

James Charles when he sees little boys

which city holds the record for the most sucides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building? it was called fall-adelphia.

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter. Apparently when the helicopter caught fire Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it”

Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents and they're still hiding! :) They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3

Did you know there was a record for quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds

A man entered in the bank branch and asked the teller to withdraw his account balance. The teller debited his account and gave the man all his money then the man counted the money and asked the teller to deposit it back in his account. The teller asked the man why did you withdraw the money and deposit back then the man replied i wanted to make sure all my money is safe and tallies with my records. Lol

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All records are as of March 11th 2021

Did you know Yao Ming has the biggest penis in Chinese history? It measured in at nearly 5 inches!

Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!

This whole string is really messed up. Yall should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said "HES ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALA"

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Prank phone calls. I did this prank last week, I picked the not so big buisness and places to do pranks phone calls. Burger King. Jcpennys. and nighbors. I will tell you what I said. Me: "Hello this is...Zariana and I am from New York." Burger king staff: "Will we work in Florida." Me: "Good now I want a large cake with some salad...with some eggnog...and some baby food" Burger king: "We don't serve any of that ma'am." Me: "And I want it to go please!" Burger king staff: "Sorry ma'am we don't ha- " And I hung up on him right before he could say have. Now JCPenneys ordering. Me: "Hello this is Trina from south carolina." Jcpennys register: "Yes what can I don for you ma'am ?" Me: "Excuse me"? Jcpennys register: "I was asking if there is anything you need help with ma'am." Me: "Sorry I can't hear you...what!" Jcpennys register: "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER MA'AM." Me: "I still can't hear you! Say that again!!!" Jcpennys register: "Ma'am can you hear correclty?" Me: "YES I CAN...NOW YOUR GOING TO BODY SHAME THEN I WILL GIVE YOU A 1 STAR RATTING!!!!!!" Jcpennys register: "No ma'am I was just saying tha-" Hung up. Next one was on my nigbores. Mrs. Jarkinson. Me: "Hello, sorry to bother you but do you know what this word mean fhermkrekm"? Mrs. Jarkinson: "What who is this?" Me: "Ummm...Mrs. Keris!" Mrs. Jarkinson: " So what does what word mean again?'' Me: " fnjfnjrfnjr!" Mrs. Jarkinson: "What!!!" Me: "fnjefnj" Mrs. Jarkinson: SO SORRY WHAT!!!!!!! Me: "Never mind!" Hehehe! Hung up on here now Mr. Morris. Me: "Hola Sr. Morris. que pasa" Mr. Morris: "Sorry what I don't speake spanish!" Me: "Está bien ... di que no me hagas caso, ¡solo necesito ayuda!" Btw I used tranlater app and I learned really quickly! Mr. Morris: "What does that even mean!" Me: "Sí señor, veo dónde está su cabeza, pero ¿cómo se hace algún libro? ¿Me parece muy difícil? Jejejeje!" Mr. Morris: WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN THOUGH!!! Me: "No señor, no se rinda en el primer intento de ballet! Debería ser fácil ... di de qué te quejas? Oh sorry I have to go!" Mr. Morris: "Wait but what does tha-" I bet your wondering how I got these phone calls rememberd will I recorded them! I don't how but I did. Btw Not spanish just learn really quickly.

How do you create the worlds quickest human pyramid?

Turn on the gaschamber.

Who are the fastest readers in the world.? Answer.9/11 victims they went through 80 stories in 5 seconds

How did Fortnite record their henchman sounds? They asked a bunch of kids with down syndrome to film a documentary.

My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building. So he had a much better flying record.

Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.

If u r talking to Indian and noticed a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what u said... They r recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.