My friend Amir didn’t have the greatest driving record because of all the car crashes he got in. He only crashed his plane once in a building, so he had a much better flying record.
Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.
If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
Son: “Mom, is there a thing called «friendship» between a man and a woman?”
Mother: “No Son, unless if he’s gay.”
Son: “So your friend is gay?”
Mother with herself: «How did he see me with michael omg if my husband discovered my cheating he will kill me»
Mother: “Mmm.. Yes.”
Father loudly: “YES!!!”
Mother: “What in the hell? Are you gay?”
Father with himself: «Am i an idiot why did i yell?! if she discovered I’m gay and her son was made by Paul’s semens she will kill me»
Father: “No what are saying? I’m just talking with myself.”
*A few hours later*
Mother: “I will go to visit my mother.”
Father: “Me too I will go to visit my mother.”
Son: “Not me too I will go to stud with my friends.”
The mother and the father goes to michael’s house and they found their son playing with Michael and Paul is recording them and saying: «that’s why I love you my actual son oh only if your mother knows».
*The End* :D
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.
Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
What’s 12 inches and is moist inside?
My record holding cucumbers, locally grown at my farm.
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
Sonic can run around the world in a second, i can do it in 0.5, ----- but chuck Norris has already done it before us.
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
