Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.
Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?
He was always tardy.
if you hit a child that's child abuse. if you hit a family member that's abuse. if you kill either, it's murder for some reason. if it's a whole family, its genocide for another reason.
If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
Wanna know why Kobe can't shoot?
Because he's dead.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.
So we all know why 6 was afraid of seven; because it eight nine, But why was ten scared? it was in between 9/11.
Your mum is so smart, but she still can’t figure out why she had you.
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.
"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"
Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."
"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."
"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."
"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."
"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.
"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."
"Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!"
"Great job Sally! What did she say?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"
Why did the orphan become a criminal? Because he wanted to actually be wanted.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the Chicken's day off!
Why does Lincoln like Ronnie Anne?
She is the only one that calls me "lamo."
I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?
He said “Wynaut.”
