Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.
A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "What did you do, child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!
This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.
My friends and I were talking about this really ugly girl at our school. For some reason, she had the same name as me.
An orphan is like marriage. The kid is always the reason for divorce. The kid is always the reason for his parents leaving him.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
The reason why people are short is because their dad never came back with the milk.
My attitude doesn't have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.
Why can’t orphans get married?
Because they were already given away.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.
Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't wanna hang out.
