You are the reason double doors were invented.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...
Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)
AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
Yo mama is so ugly she's the reason why Batman fights crime at night.
A man shoots up a school and then fakes his own death. He then later returns to shoot up the same school. He repeats the process a few times until the police catch him. When they ask why he did it, he replied, "I wondered when you would check if I was still breathing."
The reason why the "eating a tide pod" trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.
Why did Mia Khalifa become so famous?
Because she blew up.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
Why did Tyrone drop his ice cream cone?
A: He got shot.
So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
