Puns
What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?
*insert pun here*
What do you say when your brother has too many jeans?
"Gene-ious!"
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...
Are you fin-ished with your work?
What separates snowmen from snow-women?
Snow balls.
What did the author say when he got a correct answer? "I got it right!"
What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, he just waved.
If you're Canadian in the kitchen, then what are you in the bathroom?
European.
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.
Tell me a joke.
OK, your face.
Have you heard about my new can crushing job?
It's soda-pressing.
I felt a window break once. It was pane-full!
I took a pole today. 100% of the people in the tent were unhappy that it collapsed.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!