Puns
What did the bull say to the bullfighter?
What's the "matador?"
Why did the man laugh when he only had just one nickel and one penny in his pocket?
He had a 6 cents of humor.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the “shell” station.
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
I took a bite of my lunch. “Is that a sand witch?!”
Impossible? I’m very possible, really!
I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.
So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"
My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
“They are all very tearable,” he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!