Punishment jokes
How do you punish a blind man?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"
When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.
I got sent to the principal's office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Why did the MOSFET go to jail?
It had a charge for battery.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
Why did the skeleton not listen to the rules?
He was "bone tiba wild."
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.
You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?
Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo, so I gave them a halo.
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."
Why did the credit card go to jail?
'Cuz it was guilty as charged!
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!