What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.
What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.
Why are emo jokes so infamous?
They cut deep.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
What do you call a joke without a punchline?
Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?
Because everything they do is in vein.
Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
