Orphans don't like family sized chips, I wonder why.
I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.
Oh, I just love talking to orphans.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
Yesterday I wanted to look up the term "procrastination".
I swear, I'll do it tomorrow.
When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.
There's two types of emo people:
1. People that cut side to side.
2. And people that cut up and down.
The most efficient is up and down.
What do you call an obese man with bipolar? Twins.
A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm getting over it.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
