Psychology jokes

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.

I have depression, but I don't know how to show it in feelings.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Crippling depression.

Crippling depression who--?

Me.

I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...

Therapist just mean the-rapist.

What do you call a group of emo kids?

The suicide squad.

How do you lift a depressed person up?

No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.

He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"

Are you angry?

Go bully an orphan!

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Why are emos jealous of light?

The lights are hanging.

What happens when a depressed kid tries to give a tree a high five?

The tree leaves him hanging :)

When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.

How do you get a retard out of a tree?

Wave at them.

How do you get a depressed person to jump?

Put them on a bridge.

What's an orphan's least favorite meme? "Family."

Why can orphans travel around so much?

A. They never get homesick.

I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.

What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?

It left him hanging.

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!