Psychology jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Crippling depression.
Crippling depression who--?
Me.
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...
What do you call a group of emo kids?
The suicide squad.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.
So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."
Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."
Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"
Memes
What's an orphan's least favorite meme? "Family."
Why are emos jealous of light?
The lights are hanging.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
Who am I?
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
What happens when a depressed kid tries to give a tree a high five?
The tree leaves him hanging :)
To anyone suffering from low self esteem:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/UTymDoPOEnY
What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?
It left him hanging.
How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.
What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?
Motherfuckers.
Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?
To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.
Are you angry?
Go bully an orphan!
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?