Prostitution jokes
A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.
The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"
She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."
The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
What do feminists and whores have in common?
Daddy issues.
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?
The look they give you while you’re nailing them.
What's the difference between a sidewalk, a drug dealer, and a prostitute?
A: A sidewalk's crack doesn't leave an odor!
How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?
Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.
Q. Why did the pimp buy a journal?
A. To organize his thots.
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
My friend is a pimp.
I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?
Your job still sucks!
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What's the best name for a prostitute?
SI-MOAN.
If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?
What is the difference between a male prostitute who is a Democrat and a male prostitute who is a Republican?
When Republicans perform fellatio for money, it is called prostitution, but when Democrats perform fellatio for money, it is called a donation to their political campaign.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.