Pound jokes

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

Roses are red, I like girls from the South, a 425-pound teacher gets suspended after sitting on a kid's head and farting in his mouth.

When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.

Yo mama so hairy that she got a haircut and lost 47 pounds.

Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?

Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!

I just reached 10 million pounds in Euro Truck Simulator, but it's not even close to what Rakhmat Akilov achieved.

Yo mama is so ugly, if she got a pound for every boy that found her unattractive, boys would find her attractive.

Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"

Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"

Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.

Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.

Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.

Kaleb: Addison, are you okay???

Addison: Not at all. People think I'm annoying and stupid! Do you?

Kaleb: Yes, once I pound you in the ass.

Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.

I have 2000 pounds of one-ton soup.

A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"