Pound jokes
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.
Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"
Roses are red, I like girls from the South, a 425-pound teacher gets suspended after sitting on a kid's head and farting in his mouth.
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.
Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
When your mum sold you on eBay for £2 pound for girls stripper.
I just reached 10 million pounds in Euro Truck Simulator, but it's not even close to what Rakhmat Akilov achieved.
Yo mama is so ugly, if she got a pound for every boy that found her unattractive, boys would find her attractive.
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"
Yo mama is so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
Kaleb: Addison, are you okay???
Addison: Not at all. People think I'm annoying and stupid! Do you?
Kaleb: Yes, once I pound you in the ass.
I have 2000 pounds of one-ton soup.