Politics jokes
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!
What do you call the only Trump Supporter to follow his orders to obstruct justice?
Answer: Attorney General William Barr!
Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...
TDS? More like STDs.
Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.
Hey, do you know why America sucks? We have the death penalty.
What do you call Hitler?
Gay.
Germany: As long as America stays out of the war, we should win.
Japan: *bombing Pearl Harbor* Cowabunga It Is!!
Capitalism.
Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).
The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).
The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)
The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)
The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!
The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)
The teen: QUAL (WHICH).
The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).
The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).
*A phone buzzes.*
The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?
Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?
*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*
The teen: HAIR GEL
What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
"Hippity hoppity, don't abolish my property!"
An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."