Why do orphans love tennis? It's the only love they get.
In tennis, 0 points is love.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it's pointless!
Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: A broken pencil.
Friend: A broken pencil who?
Me: Nevermind, it's pointless.
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Pencil.
Pencil who?
Oh, never mind, it's pointless.
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
Yo hairline so long that it doesn't have a stopping point.
Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?
That's okay. There is really no point to it.
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
What happens when skeletons score points in a game?
They get a bone-us.
Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
What do you call a AK-47 that lost 1 point?
An AK-46.
