Play jokes
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
Why can Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?
Bored games.
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
Why can't America play chess?
They're missing two towers.
One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.
Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.
Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."
Why do orphans play tennis? Because that's the only thing they love.
Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.
Bro, I love hanging out with white people, it's either we play Yahtzee, or we playin' Nazi.
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
Why can't a Chinese kid play baseball?
They ate the bat!
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.
The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.
Bill Clinton is no longer playing the saxophone.
He is now playing the whore-monica.
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good luck finding someone who’s always in the booth!
Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?
Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.