Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Play Jokes
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t run home.
Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
Why can’t orphans play GTA and get five stars? Because they’re not wanted!
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
Why do orphans play GTA?
Because they need to know what it’s like to be wanted.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
I played Kobe Bryant on 2k14, but my console somehow kept crashing.
Why do orphans play GTA?
To be wanted.
Why do orphanages give out free phones?
So you can press the home button.
Fancy playing rodeo sex?
"OK then," she said!
Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere.
Your mama is so fat that when she was playing online, she crashed the whole server.
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
Hillary Clinton is elected president...
And on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."
She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
