Play jokes
Fancy playing rodeo sex?
"OK then," she said!
Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
Why can't an orphan role-play Star Wars?
Because they have no one to play Darth Vader.
So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they don't have their parent's email.
Why shouldn’t you do drugs? Weedle make you high.
How can Pikachu make a baby laugh? By playing pika-boo!
I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?
He said “Wynaut.”
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket? Cus they always eat the bat.
When an orphan is playing baseball, how come the coach doesn't tell them to hit it home?
He has no home to hit to.
Why can't pirates play cards in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Why can't orphans play soccer? Because they can't practice with their dad.
Why is a boomerang an orphan's favorite toy? Because it actually comes back.
Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."
Why do orphans love to play family?
Because it's the closest they will be to being normal.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.